“E-Env-” I tried to comfort him,
to ask what was bothering him, only to have a heel thrown at me. I ducked, barely missing it as it lodged into the wall behind me.
“SHUT UP!” He screamed, throwing the other heel in the other direction, only this one didn’t lodge into the wall and instead fell to the floor. “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” He was losing it, tossing all of his clothes around, the clothes he’d cry for if they ever got damaged. His eyes were wide and manic, his brows furrowed, a vein popping up on his neck and forehead.
I knew it was stupid to try and reason with him in this state, but I didn’t want to just sit and watch his breakdown. “E-Envy please..” I pleaded softly, approaching him slowly as if he were a dangerous animal. That thought wasn’t too far off.
He yelled at the top of his lungs, letting out his rage in a guttural sound, before he snatched up a nearby dress and ripped it to shreds.
“W-wait! Envy, you like that one, d-don’t-” I didn’t get to finish before he had torn the dress to shreds, his face contorted into one of pure rage. I quickly reached his side, hovering over him fearfully. I wanted to stop him before he ruined all of his clothes, knowing that when he was done with his fit he’d surely throw another one when he realised how much of his things he’d ruined, but I was also terrified.
I didn’t want him to direct his rage at me.
“IT’S UGLY!” He roared, pushing me aside as if I weighed nothing. I yelped, scooting away from him and pulling my arms up to cover my face. I expected him to follow through, only to find him snatching up the top that I was kneeling on when I was by his side. “IT’S ALL UGLY!” He tore that one apart as well, tossing the scraps at me with a huff.
His eyes were red and watery, flickering across the disaster he had made in the room. All of his clothes and shoes were scattered about, either ripped apart or lying on the floor somewhere. His chest heaved as if he was hyperventilating, his breath coming out in gasps.
“Envy! Please c-calm down..” I reached for his arm, to soothe him, only for him to pull away from me as if I had burned him.
“SHUT UP!” He roared, grabbing the nearest shoe and tossing it randomly. It smashed into the vanity mirror, shattering it instantly and spreading glass everywhere. “FUCK!” He yelled, clenching his fists so tight his sharp nails dug into his palms and drew blood.
His eyes. I couldn’t help the gasp from leaving my lips. His eyes were *crying*. Tears fell down his cheeks freely as he shook with rage, his eyes shifting over the entire room too fast to truly focus on anything.
I had never seen him cry before, thought he wasn’t even able to. I don’t think I ever want to see him cry ever again.
He sat there for a while, crying in the middle of his mess. I could only watch, too shocked to even utter a word or move. This was all new to me. Sure, he’d thrown tantrums when his outfit didn’t fit his mental image, but not to this extent. This was not just about the outfit.
It was personal.
“E-Envy..?” I called to him, my voice gentle and barely a whisper. I didn’t want to startle him; I didn’t want to trigger him. He didn’t even twitch at my words, merely staring blankly at his bloody hands. I sighed, scooting over to him slowly. I hesitated before touching him, fearful that touch would trigger him.
Sometimes when he was in a similar mental state, though not as extreme as this one, touch made it worse. It made me question alot about him, though I knew I’d never get answers.
Envy’s past before I came along was a locked book.
“O-oh you..” I sighed, gently placing my hands on his shoulders. He lazily lifted his gaze up to me, tears still dripping down, but he did nothing else. I smiled weakly, pulling him forward and placing his head against my lap. He leaned into me, startling me when I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist. His breathing quickened and I felt my shorts dampen a bit from his tears. I shushed him gently, curling my fingers through his hair. “It’s ok.. I-I’m here.” I said, earning a squeeze from him.
It felt like I was watching this go down from over my own shoulder, as if I truly wasn’t here. This was so.. Unnatural. I’d never seen Envy like this. It made tears well up in my own eyes.
“You know..” I started, looking up at the ceiling to avoid crying, “When I first saw you, I thought you were some kind of angel..” I admitted, smiling shyly at the recollection. I felt him shift in my lap, but I kept my gaze up, too embarrassed to face him. “You were so.. perfect.. you didn’t seem real. So beautiful that I questioned why you’d ever be interested in someone like me.” I sighed, shaking my head as I felt a stray tear fall down my cheek despite how much I tried to keep it together.
“Even now.. Even when it’s bad and y-you’re so angry at me and I-I’m scared.. I can’t help but notice, gosh, how *gorgeous* you are..” I chuckled, finally looking down at him hesitantly. I gasped when I found his eyes looking up at me, no longer crying but still red and watery. He didn’t look angry any more.
I didn’t know what he looked like right now.
His eyes were wide, as if he was surprised at my words. His lips parted, as if to retort, before he clenched them shut so tightly his jaw shook. Slowly, I took note on how his brows furrowed, his pupils, which were blown wide and nearly covered all of his iris, slowly shrank. His whole body shook, vibrating me as well. I didn’t know what was going on in that head of his, though I’d do anything to just take a peek in there for a second to understand him.
His lips wobbled, as if cycling through what to do before it settled on a frown. He scoffed, rolling his eyes and pushing away from me as if I burned him. “O-of course you were enamoured by me.” He huffed, folding his arms and looking away from me. “I’m a living god among man,” His arms continued to shake, as if he was cold, despite his confident words. “It’s only right you think of me as your god.” With that, he stood to his feet, wobbling only slightly before he steadied himself and strutted out of the room as if nothing had happened.
Chapter 6.